Every Saturday morning at approximately 08:58, my shoes tremble with anticipation. Not because I’m planning to break any records. It’s because I’m bracing myself for the stampede of well-meaning but spatially oblivious humans who, despite crystal-clear rules, insist on overtaking me on the wrong side.
Yes, dear reader, I’m talking about Parkrun. A glorious weekly celebration of community, health, and questionable overtaking etiquette. The official guidance is simple. Keep left, overtake on the right. It’s easy, like tying your shoelaces or politely pretending you didn’t see someone cut in line at the coffee shop.
And yet, somewhere between the starting horn and kilometre three, the rules disintegrate faster than my pace on an uphill segment.
🚧 Life on the Left Lane
I am a proud slow runner. Not the kind who forgets they’re wearing running shoes, but the kind who trains, shows up, and still gets passed by someone dressed as a corgi in week-old trail mix.
I run on the left. I live on the left. I spiritually identify as left-of-centre. I do it religiously, not because I want to, but because I must. Parkrun demands it. But despite my devotion, there’s always that one runner who creeps up like they’re auditioning for a role in Mission: Impossible 8 – The Side Fence Conundrum.
They see the narrow passage, a gnarly bend, maybe even a low-hanging tree branch, and their reaction is, “Perfect. Time to pass on the left, squeezing between the fence and that runner wearing a neon shirt reading ‘SLOW RUNNER. OVERTAKE ON THE RIGHT.’” (Spoiler: That’s me.)
🤔 The Curious Case of the Left-Leaners
What drives this behavior? Is it lack of spatial awareness, urgency brought on by FOMO, or a niche form of balance impairment where rightward movement causes temporary neurological shutdown?
I conducted a highly scientific study. I stared angrily at passing runners while muttering sarcastic questions. My findings were conclusive. Some people simply can’t turn right.
- 🧭 Maybe they were raised on roundabouts and only know clockwise motion
- 🏎️ Perhaps they were inspired by NASCAR and believe only leftward loops lead to glory
- 🧘 It could be part of an obscure yoga flow called “Side Fence Squeeze with Passive Aggression Pose”
No matter the theory, the results are always the same. A jarring moment where my left elbow is nearly clipped, my pace shattered, and my faith in pedestrian diplomacy tested.
👕 Enter: The “Slow Runner. Overtake on the Right” T-Shirt
After one particularly dramatic run, in which I was overtaken on the left between a hedge and a goose, I decided enough was enough. If runners couldn’t grasp auditory instructions or visual signage, maybe they needed something wearable.
The “Slow Runner. Overtake on the Right” T-Shirt was born.
Printed with bold lettering and a clear directional arrow on the back, it’s unmistakable from behind. This shirt is not just a garment. It’s a movement. It screams, “I’m slow, I’m steady, and I’m officially done playing chicken with the retaining wall.”
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Slow Runner Blue DryBlend® T-Shirt
£23.00 -
Slow Runner Pink DryBlend® T-Shirt
£23.00
No fluorescent fuss. Just crisp, clear messaging for runners who understand lane etiquette.
The response? Mixed. Some runners nod appreciatively as they pass me on the right, thank you very much. Others glance at the shirt and still sidle left, eyes glazed like their shoelaces are tied to their internal GPS.
🎭 What It’s Like Being a Slow Runner in a Fast World
Being slow at Parkrun isn’t a moral failing. It’s a lifestyle. A commitment to measured exertion, scenic appreciation, and the quiet victory of showing up week after week.
We might not reach podiums, but we:
- Know every squirrel by name
- Appreciate that volunteer cheering crew like they’re Beyoncé’s entourage
- Get more mileage from each kilometre, metaphorically and emotionally
We are the poetic tortoises to your caffeinated hares.
But being a slow runner comes with its own drama. We are overtaken in car parks, on footpaths, sometimes before the run officially begins. We are masters of the awkward sidestep and high-stakes hedge-dodging. We know pain, we know patience, and now, with this T-shirt, we know protest.
🥇 A Call to All Parkrun Rebels
To every runner who has ever hugged the left rail and still been overtaken on the inside like it’s the Monaco Grand Prix, you are not alone.
To the child sprinting past you at 100m intervals with reckless joy, then walking mid-run while eating a biscuit, we salute you.
To the runner in full compression gear who accidentally elbowed you while passing left because their stride was “in its flow state,” we ask you to respect the sacred geometry of overtaking.
Let’s make Parkrun a safer space for ankles, elbows, and egos. Let’s treat each slow runner with the dignity they deserve and the clearance they require. Let’s follow the rules not just for efficiency, but for community.
🚀 Where We Go From Here
It starts with one T-shirt. One runner. One emphatic gesture of self-advocacy. Soon, slow runners across the nation will rise, not in speed, but in visibility.
Maybe we’ll get an official Parkrun announcement. “Reminder, please overtake on the right, unless you’re auditioning for Cirque du Side Fence.”
Maybe we’ll design matching sweatbands that say LEFT IS LIFE. PASS RIGHT OR BE POLITE.
Maybe, just maybe, we’ll restore overtaking order to the Parkrun universe.
Until then, I’ll be out there, doing my best, wearing my visible but fun and stylish plea.
